The Call

A few weeks ago, I was priviledged to sit through a sermon my dad was preaching titled , ‘ Riskers for perishers.’ The sermon was all about things Kingdom, on how much your natural eyes can deny you your blessings. The inheritance that God has always had in store for you. The sermon talked about our responsibilities to the call.

Dad has always shared his testimony but this day he touched on matters intimate about His call to serve that I have never heard of. Papa was a civil servant, a teacher to be precise. By the time he resigned he was a headteacher. God called him in 1995 that he needed to go full time ministry. He spoke to him during one of his fasts. But papa looked at so much happening ( we were still in primary school except for my eldest sister) and he kept at what he knew would provide. All this time, he had the ministry running. Back then,  we were still affiliated to the Word Of Faith Church. He would get done with school work and pastoral work would take over. 2 years later, the church invited a guest from Nigeria for revival meetings. What he didn’t know was that this meeting was more about him than it was about the congregation ( How this God works is just amazing ). This Man of God came loaded with the confirmation Papa needed. Yet, there were bills to be paid. How was a starting ministry in the village meant to be sustained? There was still much he felt he had to do before quitting formal employment.

Brethren, when God wants you,  He will make it happen. Fast forward to the year 1999/2000, Dad has no peace about everything. Things started falling apart in all spheres. Spheres he taught he was securing by staying put in employment. He had two candidates in the house ( one in form four, one in class eight). Things were tight. Then he made the decision to follow the voice of God. Nothing was perfect at that moment, but he chose to heed to the call.

He says He did not know how we would survive and mum, at that moment, had issues at her workplace that also pushed her to quit. ( This God!!!). That is how they ended up in full time ministry with a bunch of kids( four girls) when they had no idea how to provide for, feed or clothe! And God has been more than faithful. We have seen miracles in ways only God can.

My story may not be so different. The call of God is irrevocable. Whatever He has planned for your life will come to pass. It all comes down to: Will you listen and heed to the call? The call came when I was a child. But as I grew a fear engulfed me. I always saw myself ending up as my father and I felt the shoes were too big. I wanted a very small role. I remember praying and telling God , Let me just sing, and let Daddy preach. Slowly, I drifted. I knew I loved God but I really wanted detached from matters Church. When I first came to Nairobi I kept away from Church compeletely. I felt I didn’t need that reminder of the responsibility I had and was not planning to fulfill. Those days I would end up in church ( they were quite rare), just one gaze at the pulpit brought conflicting emotions. It felt like home, but it also felt like the biggest thing I never wanted. Finally, I never wanted to leave.

When God came for me, so much had been destabilized  ( refer to posts before). I was at my lowest. I had tried all the solving tactics but none was working. I even questioned if God really existed ( I knew He did, but the situation I was in was crazy and I had been declared clinically depressed). That is when I remembered  the God my daddy serves. Is He not merciful and gracious?  Is He not forgiving? I had been seeing a therapist for a month, twice weekly. That week I called my therapist and told her that am terminating my sessions. That I needed counselling with a spiritual approach. That was when I walked into Citam Valley Road. I had been crying all the way from town. I reached Citam and completely broke down.( The nitty-gritties will be up in the next post). I rededicated my life to Christ that day. I had already  started my Bible devotion three weeks earlier as I sought answers from God.  Three weeks after, as I read the book of John 1 : 46 , a still voice whispered. Something Good is coming out of Nazareth. I thought my mind was playing tricks. The voice became more clearer, ‘ Something Good is coming out of Nazareth’

It was 2 am. I live alone, and a distinct voice was speaking. I was numb but so much at peace. I didn’t know what was in store for me in that week (Some mindblowing experience was awaiting and I was just here playing detective in my house trying to find a still voice). I remember it so well. It was on Wednesday. I was just leaving town from a meeting. I felt a sudden urge to be in the House of God. As we approached  Safari Park Hotel it was fast becoming a strong hunger.  I had never been to Citam Thika road despite it being next door. I always went to Valley Road. This day I wanted to find the Church. I needed to be in God’s Sanctuary. I want to the PAC University gate expecting the guards to not let me in. To my surprise,  all they asked was if I was heading to church. On getting there, I didn’t know there was a Wednesday prayer service and I walked right into it. I was so overwhelmed.

Those who know me will tell you that I never lack words when given a microphone. I will either speak or sing.  The time for testimonies came, I was literally weeping as I walked to the altar to say  what the Lord had done for me. When I picked that microphone,  I went blank and I kept weeping. The pastor wanted to take the Mic but I said I wanted to sing. If words failed me, then I could sing. But I kept saying, ‘God I submit to your Will, Let Your will be done!’ Most of the times my mind usually has songs lined up, when I opened up my mouth to sing the song disappeared,to my surprise.  I was blank with the whole church looking and the song refused ( reminds me of Tuzo milk advert, ‘ the cow has refused’ ha!). To salvage the situation, the Word msalaba kept ringing but I could not remember any song with msalaba. The pastor was coming for the Mic and I was gonna give it. Then my own Swahili translation of  kgotso’s ‘ke letlotlo’ just flooded the Mic. Msalaba ndio hazina yangu ( the cross is my biggest treasure) The song said. And this is my biggest truth. We’re it not for the cross, we’re it not for Christ, I would be dead!

The pastor takes the Mic and what he said was ‘ This lady has had an encounter with God. Few of you have gone through what she has!’ This statement summarized the state I was in. I could not explain what was happening but what I knew was nothing would ever be the same. Something happened inside me. I met God face to face. From then I have sitdowns with Him like I do with my daddy. And I submitted to His Will, FINALLY!!! Once you encounter God, You will never be the same. I guarantee you.

He separated me from everything I thought I knew and that which I thought mattered. Relationships had to be cut off, some business deals had to go. And I would cry to Him how much the bills were to be paid ( just like papa had his issues). He always told me , ” Debbie, can’t you are that am doing a NEW thing? One that is marvellous in my own eyes? I have called you by your name, you are MINE!” And He has been amazing in perfecting His work.

The confirmation on His call came seven months ago through someone I did not know. Someone who reminded me of when it all started word for word.  When I was still little, and how much God saw my fears but let them play out. And finally, the answers I needed from Him started pouring.

Why did I write this post?

There is a high tendency there are Jonah’s out here. People running away from their calling for one reason or another ( most of the time they do not make sense). The kingdom needs you. Matthew 9:37, Like 10:2. His call and gifting in your life is irrevocable ( Romans 11:29). For you to get that peace you really crave for, heed to your call. God speaks,  He has never stopped!

You may think that your contribution is too small to be noticed but remember we all are members of one body and we need each other to function properly.(1 Corinthians 12:12)

There is no better place to be other than at the feet of Jesus.

And

Using the conclusion to Daddy’s sermon, ‘ The Kingdom requires Riskers in order to rescue Perishers ‘

Shalom.

Love,

Deb

 

 

 

 

Love Redefined

It matters who you date. It matters who you marry. I do not know how I can overemphasize this. Especially when you are cut out for more in the Kingdom of God. Especially when you are wired for kingdom exploits. It matters.

God is intentional. Purposeful. All knowing. Orderly.  Before He put you together in your mother’s womb, He knew you were there. So did He create the mate to your soul.

My story taught me so much.How much God’s call is irrevocable, no matter how long it takes. I was putting myself in a relationship that I had qualified it as God given. When you really want something,  you will always qualify with distorted scripture. Always. The chemistry was great, the connection out of this world… though looking at it now, it was just like minded brokenness. I thought that I finally had my husband. We made promised to each other. Families were involved. We had already become one even before we walked down the isle to the altar. Our wedding, we already had a plan. Even the possible vendors. He knew about the tents he wanted, I knew all about the dressing and set up. What could really come between us? We went to church and other occasions dressed in ‘His and Hers’. We were perfect.

But …

Why was there no peace. Three quarters of the time I wanted to leave. He was always giving me reasons to stay. I remember there was this day I wanted out. I could not pinpoint the reason and I remember saying something like this, ” God knows I love you but am not in love with you.” This was right after his surprise birthday. I wanted out, but I felt too guilty to leave. I also think I did not really know what I wanted then. He took care of my loneliness, of my issues and I could run to him with stuff only God could solve. When he couldn’t , I got another reason to leave.

He tried.

A man with shortcomings but he did his best considering the situation. He did. Then came the time I had to make a decision to be with him forever. I wonder why women have to be satisfied with the bare minimum. That at least he comes home,  at least he knows my family. He is better than the one before… I felt like I was on a lockdown. That I had dug this grave and I had to be in it. I had made this bed and now I had to lie in it. I felt helpless but I was gonna go ahead and do it. Am a strong woman. Or so I thought.

When there is no peace about it, please do not do it. I beseech you for your own sake. I had made a decision but was it the right one? At this moment i was being convicted. It was time to let go. But how was I to do it? Families were involved, time, emotions.. What to do?

When God has you,trust me He will not loose sight of you. His grasp is never too far. A situation had to be orchestrated so I would see the true colours of this person. That I would see where my life was headed. And change my thinking, it did. I have never met a more cold person in my life. Till that moment, I completely had no idea who I was dating and where I was gonna spend the rest of my life.

I hurt. I was declared clinically depressed after two months. I lost weight. I lost my spark. I lost faith in humanity. I lost myself till God going me.

God found a broken individual and reminded me of His promises to me when I was a child. That what He has promised would come to fruition.

He said, I have called you by your Name you are mine. Isaiah 43:1.

Why then is it that we don’t trust His choice when it comes to the intimate side, we want to choose and ask Him to bless it? When He can give you the blessed choice from the word go? It is time we wait for God’s best and what He has put together than what we as humans put together. We are doomed to fail.

Let God be God and stop helping with His work when you haven’t done yours.

Peace.

Shalom

Love

The most misunderstood word in history.

To some it is emotional, to some actions , to sone words..  everyone understands it as a language. Though different.

For 27 years, I thought I knew myself so well to know what love was and what I wanted. Everyone expects you to and to an extent you may be fooled into believing that You Know. The more you know, the more you have no idea.

There is a reason why it is meant to go way above the feeling. There is a reason why it has to become a decision. With every decision comes the task of having researched on all variables. Like every decision, you always have options. You have to perform analyses to settle on the best or the viable one.

Yet.

It is still so hard to understand love

Do I still love when they cannot show up and am always doing the show up? Do I still love when my heart is broken to pieces? Do I still love when he disrepects my child? Do I still love when they are hell bent on messing up my reputation? Do I still love when they go on to mess up the memory of what i held so dear? Do i still love them, the very ones that sagged my shoulders, dropped my head and caused rivers of tears and fear? Why should i still love them and they don’t love me?

That was my definition of love before i met my greatest love. Before i met Christ. Before i let my big brother mould me. It was all about me, selfish and concieted. Now, there is so much more. Every single day I learn something new about love.

Love is making the ultimate sacrifice even when you know those you are doing it for will never appreciate it.

Love is not boastful. It is so silent that you may pass it since it does not have much pomp and colour.

Love is selfless. Love brings death to self and considers the other first.

Love forgives a multitude of sin. It does not cover up, it rebukes but with so much care and kindness

Love does not give up on you. Even when it all looks hopeless, love will reach out and clean you up from depths of misery.

Love when genuine can lift any soul from hurt, can redeem, offers a second chance and has condemnation.

Love does not keep a record of wrongs.

Christ is my ultimate teacher daily. He is the perfect embodiment of love (John 3:16-18) When you look at people from His perspective,  You will realize that we all do not deserve all He does for us. We mess up daily and he has to take on the responsibility of correcting and directing us with so much patience. If only we could love as Christ loves. Then so many ‘ damages individuals’ would be a thing of the past. The purity in His love, the gentleness and the willingness to serve can soften any hardened heart. He that knew no sin but had to become sin to set me free. What more do I need to be convinced? ? What more?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Love and let Love. We are since God chose us.

Blessed is He that Giveth…. Love

Broken To Be Made Whole

That day… Yes… That Day!!

Can I ever really forget it? Oh when Christ found me and lifted me from this desolate place the devil has condemned me.

How can I forget the times I had asked Him to take my life. But why? Because another human being did not see my worth. Since the pain was too much.  Since the darkness had started creeping in and winter was nearing. Days when I enjoyed my tears. When waking up was not my portion anymore.

Let me take you back a little. My name is Debbie. An artist since I encompass so much( model, musician, designer).

The more you read the more you will learn. I am a living testimony of what God can do. Of the depths He can sink to redeem. Of His mercies that endureth forever. Of His Love that never fails.

I hope to document daily my journey to restoration and God’s faithfulness. We are up for a ride that only ends up in His Glory.

Welcome to my space

My simple world