The Call

A few weeks ago, I was priviledged to sit through a sermon my dad was preaching titled , ‘ Riskers for perishers.’ The sermon was all about things Kingdom, on how much your natural eyes can deny you your blessings. The inheritance that God has always had in store for you. The sermon talked about our responsibilities to the call.

Dad has always shared his testimony but this day he touched on matters intimate about His call to serve that I have never heard of. Papa was a civil servant, a teacher to be precise. By the time he resigned he was a headteacher. God called him in 1995 that he needed to go full time ministry. He spoke to him during one of his fasts. But papa looked at so much happening ( we were still in primary school except for my eldest sister) and he kept at what he knew would provide. All this time, he had the ministry running. Back then,  we were still affiliated to the Word Of Faith Church. He would get done with school work and pastoral work would take over. 2 years later, the church invited a guest from Nigeria for revival meetings. What he didn’t know was that this meeting was more about him than it was about the congregation ( How this God works is just amazing ). This Man of God came loaded with the confirmation Papa needed. Yet, there were bills to be paid. How was a starting ministry in the village meant to be sustained? There was still much he felt he had to do before quitting formal employment.

Brethren, when God wants you,  He will make it happen. Fast forward to the year 1999/2000, Dad has no peace about everything. Things started falling apart in all spheres. Spheres he taught he was securing by staying put in employment. He had two candidates in the house ( one in form four, one in class eight). Things were tight. Then he made the decision to follow the voice of God. Nothing was perfect at that moment, but he chose to heed to the call.

He says He did not know how we would survive and mum, at that moment, had issues at her workplace that also pushed her to quit. ( This God!!!). That is how they ended up in full time ministry with a bunch of kids( four girls) when they had no idea how to provide for, feed or clothe! And God has been more than faithful. We have seen miracles in ways only God can.

My story may not be so different. The call of God is irrevocable. Whatever He has planned for your life will come to pass. It all comes down to: Will you listen and heed to the call? The call came when I was a child. But as I grew a fear engulfed me. I always saw myself ending up as my father and I felt the shoes were too big. I wanted a very small role. I remember praying and telling God , Let me just sing, and let Daddy preach. Slowly, I drifted. I knew I loved God but I really wanted detached from matters Church. When I first came to Nairobi I kept away from Church compeletely. I felt I didn’t need that reminder of the responsibility I had and was not planning to fulfill. Those days I would end up in church ( they were quite rare), just one gaze at the pulpit brought conflicting emotions. It felt like home, but it also felt like the biggest thing I never wanted. Finally, I never wanted to leave.

When God came for me, so much had been destabilized  ( refer to posts before). I was at my lowest. I had tried all the solving tactics but none was working. I even questioned if God really existed ( I knew He did, but the situation I was in was crazy and I had been declared clinically depressed). That is when I remembered  the God my daddy serves. Is He not merciful and gracious?  Is He not forgiving? I had been seeing a therapist for a month, twice weekly. That week I called my therapist and told her that am terminating my sessions. That I needed counselling with a spiritual approach. That was when I walked into Citam Valley Road. I had been crying all the way from town. I reached Citam and completely broke down.( The nitty-gritties will be up in the next post). I rededicated my life to Christ that day. I had already  started my Bible devotion three weeks earlier as I sought answers from God.  Three weeks after, as I read the book of John 1 : 46 , a still voice whispered. Something Good is coming out of Nazareth. I thought my mind was playing tricks. The voice became more clearer, ‘ Something Good is coming out of Nazareth’

It was 2 am. I live alone, and a distinct voice was speaking. I was numb but so much at peace. I didn’t know what was in store for me in that week (Some mindblowing experience was awaiting and I was just here playing detective in my house trying to find a still voice). I remember it so well. It was on Wednesday. I was just leaving town from a meeting. I felt a sudden urge to be in the House of God. As we approached  Safari Park Hotel it was fast becoming a strong hunger.  I had never been to Citam Thika road despite it being next door. I always went to Valley Road. This day I wanted to find the Church. I needed to be in God’s Sanctuary. I want to the PAC University gate expecting the guards to not let me in. To my surprise,  all they asked was if I was heading to church. On getting there, I didn’t know there was a Wednesday prayer service and I walked right into it. I was so overwhelmed.

Those who know me will tell you that I never lack words when given a microphone. I will either speak or sing.  The time for testimonies came, I was literally weeping as I walked to the altar to say  what the Lord had done for me. When I picked that microphone,  I went blank and I kept weeping. The pastor wanted to take the Mic but I said I wanted to sing. If words failed me, then I could sing. But I kept saying, ‘God I submit to your Will, Let Your will be done!’ Most of the times my mind usually has songs lined up, when I opened up my mouth to sing the song disappeared,to my surprise.  I was blank with the whole church looking and the song refused ( reminds me of Tuzo milk advert, ‘ the cow has refused’ ha!). To salvage the situation, the Word msalaba kept ringing but I could not remember any song with msalaba. The pastor was coming for the Mic and I was gonna give it. Then my own Swahili translation of  kgotso’s ‘ke letlotlo’ just flooded the Mic. Msalaba ndio hazina yangu ( the cross is my biggest treasure) The song said. And this is my biggest truth. We’re it not for the cross, we’re it not for Christ, I would be dead!

The pastor takes the Mic and what he said was ‘ This lady has had an encounter with God. Few of you have gone through what she has!’ This statement summarized the state I was in. I could not explain what was happening but what I knew was nothing would ever be the same. Something happened inside me. I met God face to face. From then I have sitdowns with Him like I do with my daddy. And I submitted to His Will, FINALLY!!! Once you encounter God, You will never be the same. I guarantee you.

He separated me from everything I thought I knew and that which I thought mattered. Relationships had to be cut off, some business deals had to go. And I would cry to Him how much the bills were to be paid ( just like papa had his issues). He always told me , ” Debbie, can’t you are that am doing a NEW thing? One that is marvellous in my own eyes? I have called you by your name, you are MINE!” And He has been amazing in perfecting His work.

The confirmation on His call came seven months ago through someone I did not know. Someone who reminded me of when it all started word for word.  When I was still little, and how much God saw my fears but let them play out. And finally, the answers I needed from Him started pouring.

Why did I write this post?

There is a high tendency there are Jonah’s out here. People running away from their calling for one reason or another ( most of the time they do not make sense). The kingdom needs you. Matthew 9:37, Like 10:2. His call and gifting in your life is irrevocable ( Romans 11:29). For you to get that peace you really crave for, heed to your call. God speaks,  He has never stopped!

You may think that your contribution is too small to be noticed but remember we all are members of one body and we need each other to function properly.(1 Corinthians 12:12)

There is no better place to be other than at the feet of Jesus.

And

Using the conclusion to Daddy’s sermon, ‘ The Kingdom requires Riskers in order to rescue Perishers ‘

Shalom.

Love,

Deb

 

 

 

 

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You Matter, Yes You Do

I know the tomorrow doesn’t fascinate you any longer. I know you dread waking up. You are anxious of what tomorrow may bring.

I know the tears you have wept. I know how much you wish it was different. I know what do now is no longer passion.

I know you have had that conversation with God. You have asked Him to take you home. You are done with all these earthly treasures. You want to be lifted higher than these problems.

I know you already think nobody cares. That your exit will not affect anyone. That it will be much easier for everyone..

I know that the thought of walking in the Sun scares you. I know the walls are your best friend, they hold memories no other soul will ever know. I know there are days they seem like they are talking to you.

Oh and those accusing fingers. Those that point more to them than to you. Those that glare at you through Windows waiting to break you. You can even feel them matter the curses. Of why you are taking this so gracefully

I know of that brokenness. Of how you know you will never be the same. Of how you classify yourself as damaged,  a class you never thought existed.  That place no one can do more damage.

But…

I also know that you don’t need to go through it alone. Yes, it may feel that there is no one, or there may be no one. The emptiness may be so deep but I know of someone who can give you all that you are looking and more.

How do I know

He did it for me. He did not just make me new creature, He took away the old. The pain, the mishaps, the mistakes and behold I became a new creature( 2 Corithians 5:17). He chose me and I accepted Him. As my own personal saviour . He redeemed and restored me. There are some areas too dark you may be in, He will come for you physically. Deep down in the trenches.

But there is a catch 22.

He only works on free will. He wants you. You have to want him. You have to invite him in. He knows.

And He will take care of you. He is a good good father. He has your best interests by heart. Oh if only you would know the things He has in store for you.

Call on Him, search  for him when he can still be found and He will be found. Call on Him ( Jeremiah 33:3)

The plans He has for you are perfect. Plans that will prosper you. Plans that will not harm you. Plans that will give you hope and future  ( Jeremiah 29:11)

He created you for a purpose.  And I pray He reveals it to you. So you may know you are not merely existing. You are here for something that is much bigger that only you can accomplish .

You Matter. Even when it doesn’t feel like so now, you Matter. You are our superman/ superwoman in your own capacity.

You are loved

You are worthy

You Matter, Yes You Doo.

Love