It took three years for me to know the reason why I was so adamant. Even if it takes 10, if God is your will, He will reveal the reason or the lesson. In due time, He maketh all things beautiful.

 I wanted to be married; always have. But when that question was brought to the table I brushed it away. A certain fear had engulfed me that I did not want to put titles on what I presumably had. I wanted to be there, and not be there. I used the broken marriages, relationships and situationships around me as yardsticks to measuring my success in marriage. It was not making sense to him that I was in and out. One day am in for the idea and in a few hours I didn’t even want it mentioned. 

Marriage to me is hardwork and I don’t think then I was willing to take on. BUT I still enjoyed  the dinner dates, the romantic gateaways, the family get-togethers, the sleep overs and sleep ins . Emotionally,  I was searching for something more. I wanted a familiarity that he did not offer. I wanted him to know me yet I was not giving him a chance. Every time  I had issues with him, i would log off and log in to someone I thought would understand me( weirdly they were all men), which brought issues but being too selfish I would brush him off as insecure.

Then i was in too deep without my knowledge. When it hit me, i felt caged. But I accepted the fate and decided to make do. I derived temporary happiness that would end up in tears when I was alone and I lacked a logical explanation to it. Mapenzi ni kuvumiliana.

Given then I was not as connected to my source, i did not realize that I was fighting a battle that I had no idea of. I was not well equipped. Just when i was about to make a decision that would change the whole course of my life, a huge scandal happened. Once that redirected me to where God needed me. I have been guilty of so many things but the level of false accusation in this one was appalling. I was broken to pieces that I tried in my own mind to put together but I still ended up in a desolate place.

When God’s call is upon your life, the separation will happen. I was about to tie myself forever to someone who was not God’s best. He knew the setting apart had to happen and a circumstance that was beyond my understanding had to be created. I am alive now since God raised a standard high above the evil one. A donkey and an ox cannot be yoked together ( anyway, then we were both donkeys😂😂but you get my point I hope)

I came to understand the reason why I was not feeling that marriage thing. It has taken a breaking and God’s love to know and accept it.

This has been a very difficult post to write. Am not doing so to victimize anyone but to tell you my story of God’s grace and faithfulness. As things unfold and am graced to write more, i will keep on fixing my eyes on Him. The author and finisher of my faith. Hebrews 12:2
Broken to be made whole.


Exactly one year ago,  I wrote this post on Facebook. Being a PK then later a BK, comes with its perks.  Good and bad. The next time you wish to judge and point fingers, also remember to pray and intercede for them.  This is the group that the devil attacks directly after the service or mission has a breakthrough. They are targets and society adds to the pressure. Here is the post

Growing up as a Preacher’s Kid (PK) is not an easy thing. Moreso, in a starting ministry. Your little mind has to wrap and understand what is going  around you with little or no explanations. Everything in that house is about God. So, you grow up making God a routine rather than your ultimate. The standards placed on you by the congregation are so high that they forget your parents did not give birth to little pastors. They are as their children who need direction. Sometimes even teachers pick on you. I remember, in class seven, the school introduced tuition on Sundays and the headtacher called me out on a parade of over too students saying , ” Oyugi najua hautakuja kesho kwasababu ya kanisa, ukirukaruka pale kwa pulpit. Ukose kesho utaniona.” ( Oyugi I know you will not show up tomorrow cause of Church, you will be jumping up and down the pulpit. Miss tomorrow’s class and you will face it). The church was right opposite the school. My sister was once told she would be beaten then dad would pray  for her. Mind you, Dad was still a teacher then!! So you grow up into ministry and with the ministry.  People expect so much from you and they don’t even offer the perfect example to you. And though it may be up for discussion,MOST PKs DONT END UP BEING BORN AGAIN. We may serve in church for a long time but without having our own encounter with God. Some even end up hating the church. Since you seem to think God robbed you of your parents, of all the good things you may have had in favour of the church and when the go out on missions it is you (the kids) the devil targets.
We are the hardest group to get through to since we know scripture way too well and you even know how the missions team start out hence the counter is stronger. It takes GOD and GRACE. The biggest discouragement for these kids usually comes from church hence it is imperative to put them in prayer all the time. Some out here are just covered by their parental prayers. Some PK’s will end up in ministry,  some will not. And it’s okay. 

If you are a PK  And you are struggling,  it is okay. The Lord is still your inheritance. He promised that to the house of Levi. To Aaron’s house. You were never born in that house by mistake.  God’s work has no errors. You may be struggling to come back since you feel you have done so much and God may not pardon you. You are not alone, I have been there. I even stopped going to church completely for close to 4 years. And when I went I was so critical that if God was reaching out I had already put up huge defences. But once you allow Him, He will transform and renew you ( Romans 12:1-2). Like the prodigal son, He will accept you with open arms, with no condemnation whatsoever  ( Romans 8:1). You are cut out for greatness. You are meant for more and it’s never too late. Being a PK is a blessing.



My 2018 Prayer 


Dear Lord 

For the first time I want to say thank you for my brokenness. For in my broken state,  I have been able to experience you. You became one with me. I have experienced intimacy. 

There are levels of intimacy that I never knew existed. Am still in awe. You have gotten so naked with me that I need no other. You have touched me in a way only you can. 

Thank you for the Holy Spirit. Oh Lord,  who and what would I be if it wasn’t for you. Your work is not yet complete and I can only imagine how much you have in store for me.  Now. And eternally. 

Every single day you are conforming and perfecting me. To be one with you. To be more like you. Every single day, I pray to go even deeper with you. 

My soul is ready

My spirit is ready 

My body is ready 

I have been struggling to subject this body to you. In so many things. It has not been easy but slowly am winning this battle with the help of the Holy Spirit. I understand that by myself. I am sinful and that it is not by power or might. But only,  and only by your Spirit. 

I yearn to grow my spirit man to insurmountable strength. I yearn to see you more in me. 

All these years. I have had prayers for the year.  This year. I only want you.  Seeking you and things that are only of you.

I know what it takes,  and am ready. Above all,  I want to share this you with others. Share your undying unconditional love. Share your original plan for our creation. To worship and for communion. 

You are too beautiful To be boxed.  Too awesome to be owned,  yes. Am willing to share. 

I love the way you look at me. I love the way you see me. I love the way you care. The way you yearn for my company. I love the way I am your plan. I love the way you are never busy for me. I love the way you stretch out your hand for me.  I know you love. 

Help me love like you love me. Help me reach out like you do. Help me care just like you. Help me see beauty in ashes as you did me. 

Thank you for meeting me at my end. For at that end,  you blessed me. 

I hold onto your word in Matthew. 

Matthew 5:3-10

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

“You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.

“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.

10 “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.(MSG) 

Your heiress, 

With Love 


The Call

A few weeks ago, I was priviledged to sit through a sermon my dad was preaching titled , ‘ Riskers for perishers.’ The sermon was all about things Kingdom, on how much your natural eyes can deny you your blessings. The inheritance that God has always had in store for you. The sermon talked about our responsibilities to the call.

Dad has always shared his testimony but this day he touched on matters intimate about His call to serve that I have never heard of. Papa was a civil servant, a teacher to be precise. By the time he resigned he was a headteacher. God called him in 1995 that he needed to go full time ministry. He spoke to him during one of his fasts. But papa looked at so much happening ( we were still in primary school except for my eldest sister) and he kept at what he knew would provide. All this time, he had the ministry running. Back then,  we were still affiliated to the Word Of Faith Church. He would get done with school work and pastoral work would take over. 2 years later, the church invited a guest from Nigeria for revival meetings. What he didn’t know was that this meeting was more about him than it was about the congregation ( How this God works is just amazing ). This Man of God came loaded with the confirmation Papa needed. Yet, there were bills to be paid. How was a starting ministry in the village meant to be sustained? There was still much he felt he had to do before quitting formal employment.

Brethren, when God wants you,  He will make it happen. Fast forward to the year 1999/2000, Dad has no peace about everything. Things started falling apart in all spheres. Spheres he taught he was securing by staying put in employment. He had two candidates in the house ( one in form four, one in class eight). Things were tight. Then he made the decision to follow the voice of God. Nothing was perfect at that moment, but he chose to heed to the call.

He says He did not know how we would survive and mum, at that moment, had issues at her workplace that also pushed her to quit. ( This God!!!). That is how they ended up in full time ministry with a bunch of kids( four girls) when they had no idea how to provide for, feed or clothe! And God has been more than faithful. We have seen miracles in ways only God can.

My story may not be so different. The call of God is irrevocable. Whatever He has planned for your life will come to pass. It all comes down to: Will you listen and heed to the call? The call came when I was a child. But as I grew a fear engulfed me. I always saw myself ending up as my father and I felt the shoes were too big. I wanted a very small role. I remember praying and telling God , Let me just sing, and let Daddy preach. Slowly, I drifted. I knew I loved God but I really wanted detached from matters Church. When I first came to Nairobi I kept away from Church compeletely. I felt I didn’t need that reminder of the responsibility I had and was not planning to fulfill. Those days I would end up in church ( they were quite rare), just one gaze at the pulpit brought conflicting emotions. It felt like home, but it also felt like the biggest thing I never wanted. Finally, I never wanted to leave.

When God came for me, so much had been destabilized  ( refer to posts before). I was at my lowest. I had tried all the solving tactics but none was working. I even questioned if God really existed ( I knew He did, but the situation I was in was crazy and I had been declared clinically depressed). That is when I remembered  the God my daddy serves. Is He not merciful and gracious?  Is He not forgiving? I had been seeing a therapist for a month, twice weekly. That week I called my therapist and told her that am terminating my sessions. That I needed counselling with a spiritual approach. That was when I walked into Citam Valley Road. I had been crying all the way from town. I reached Citam and completely broke down.( The nitty-gritties will be up in the next post). I rededicated my life to Christ that day. I had already  started my Bible devotion three weeks earlier as I sought answers from God.  Three weeks after, as I read the book of John 1 : 46 , a still voice whispered. Something Good is coming out of Nazareth. I thought my mind was playing tricks. The voice became more clearer, ‘ Something Good is coming out of Nazareth’

It was 2 am. I live alone, and a distinct voice was speaking. I was numb but so much at peace. I didn’t know what was in store for me in that week (Some mindblowing experience was awaiting and I was just here playing detective in my house trying to find a still voice). I remember it so well. It was on Wednesday. I was just leaving town from a meeting. I felt a sudden urge to be in the House of God. As we approached  Safari Park Hotel it was fast becoming a strong hunger.  I had never been to Citam Thika road despite it being next door. I always went to Valley Road. This day I wanted to find the Church. I needed to be in God’s Sanctuary. I want to the PAC University gate expecting the guards to not let me in. To my surprise,  all they asked was if I was heading to church. On getting there, I didn’t know there was a Wednesday prayer service and I walked right into it. I was so overwhelmed.

Those who know me will tell you that I never lack words when given a microphone. I will either speak or sing.  The time for testimonies came, I was literally weeping as I walked to the altar to say  what the Lord had done for me. When I picked that microphone,  I went blank and I kept weeping. The pastor wanted to take the Mic but I said I wanted to sing. If words failed me, then I could sing. But I kept saying, ‘God I submit to your Will, Let Your will be done!’ Most of the times my mind usually has songs lined up, when I opened up my mouth to sing the song disappeared,to my surprise.  I was blank with the whole church looking and the song refused ( reminds me of Tuzo milk advert, ‘ the cow has refused’ ha!). To salvage the situation, the Word msalaba kept ringing but I could not remember any song with msalaba. The pastor was coming for the Mic and I was gonna give it. Then my own Swahili translation of  kgotso’s ‘ke letlotlo’ just flooded the Mic. Msalaba ndio hazina yangu ( the cross is my biggest treasure) The song said. And this is my biggest truth. We’re it not for the cross, we’re it not for Christ, I would be dead!

The pastor takes the Mic and what he said was ‘ This lady has had an encounter with God. Few of you have gone through what she has!’ This statement summarized the state I was in. I could not explain what was happening but what I knew was nothing would ever be the same. Something happened inside me. I met God face to face. From then I have sitdowns with Him like I do with my daddy. And I submitted to His Will, FINALLY!!! Once you encounter God, You will never be the same. I guarantee you.

He separated me from everything I thought I knew and that which I thought mattered. Relationships had to be cut off, some business deals had to go. And I would cry to Him how much the bills were to be paid ( just like papa had his issues). He always told me , ” Debbie, can’t you are that am doing a NEW thing? One that is marvellous in my own eyes? I have called you by your name, you are MINE!” And He has been amazing in perfecting His work.

The confirmation on His call came seven months ago through someone I did not know. Someone who reminded me of when it all started word for word.  When I was still little, and how much God saw my fears but let them play out. And finally, the answers I needed from Him started pouring.

Why did I write this post?

There is a high tendency there are Jonah’s out here. People running away from their calling for one reason or another ( most of the time they do not make sense). The kingdom needs you. Matthew 9:37, Like 10:2. His call and gifting in your life is irrevocable ( Romans 11:29). For you to get that peace you really crave for, heed to your call. God speaks,  He has never stopped!

You may think that your contribution is too small to be noticed but remember we all are members of one body and we need each other to function properly.(1 Corinthians 12:12)

There is no better place to be other than at the feet of Jesus.


Using the conclusion to Daddy’s sermon, ‘ The Kingdom requires Riskers in order to rescue Perishers ‘








You Matter, Yes You Do

I know the tomorrow doesn’t fascinate you any longer. I know you dread waking up. You are anxious of what tomorrow may bring.

I know the tears you have wept. I know how much you wish it was different. I know what do now is no longer passion.

I know you have had that conversation with God. You have asked Him to take you home. You are done with all these earthly treasures. You want to be lifted higher than these problems.

I know you already think nobody cares. That your exit will not affect anyone. That it will be much easier for everyone..

I know that the thought of walking in the Sun scares you. I know the walls are your best friend, they hold memories no other soul will ever know. I know there are days they seem like they are talking to you.

Oh and those accusing fingers. Those that point more to them than to you. Those that glare at you through Windows waiting to break you. You can even feel them matter the curses. Of why you are taking this so gracefully

I know of that brokenness. Of how you know you will never be the same. Of how you classify yourself as damaged,  a class you never thought existed.  That place no one can do more damage.


I also know that you don’t need to go through it alone. Yes, it may feel that there is no one, or there may be no one. The emptiness may be so deep but I know of someone who can give you all that you are looking and more.

How do I know

He did it for me. He did not just make me new creature, He took away the old. The pain, the mishaps, the mistakes and behold I became a new creature( 2 Corithians 5:17). He chose me and I accepted Him. As my own personal saviour . He redeemed and restored me. There are some areas too dark you may be in, He will come for you physically. Deep down in the trenches.

But there is a catch 22.

He only works on free will. He wants you. You have to want him. You have to invite him in. He knows.

And He will take care of you. He is a good good father. He has your best interests by heart. Oh if only you would know the things He has in store for you.

Call on Him, search  for him when he can still be found and He will be found. Call on Him ( Jeremiah 33:3)

The plans He has for you are perfect. Plans that will prosper you. Plans that will not harm you. Plans that will give you hope and future  ( Jeremiah 29:11)

He created you for a purpose.  And I pray He reveals it to you. So you may know you are not merely existing. You are here for something that is much bigger that only you can accomplish .

You Matter. Even when it doesn’t feel like so now, you Matter. You are our superman/ superwoman in your own capacity.

You are loved

You are worthy

You Matter, Yes You Doo.