Did God Author It?

That day

When I sat by that water tank in the cold July at 2 am alone and waiting , I should have known it was not healthy

That day

When he put me in a cab at 2 am knowing so well I didn’t have my house keys and I had to sleep over( well I barely slept) at a old college friend whom I hadn’t spoken to for over four years , I should have known he never cared

That day

When I was accused of flirting in church with someone just because the guy complemented my singing I should have known there were deep underlying issues (that may have not involved me) that he needed to take care of.

That day

When I was given silent treatment for over a month, I should have known communication during strife will be an uphill task.

But No ..

I didn’t ..

Why?

Because when you love you don’t give up, even when it hurts.

Because when he came back we talked and he looked like everything was gonna be alright

Because sometimes a second time you will do it better.

Better it looked

But this time I was more broken. I was so messed up that for months I was an empty husk, moving around simply because I had to. I could not recognize who I was for close to a year.

Were it not for a REDEEMER who looked down and by GRACE He reached out, I would be dead by now.  GONE

Were it NOT for GOD who sees deeper than anyone else, Who knew me by name. The devil would have had his way.

Relationships  ( all) are part of God’s plan for our lives but if we are not careful we may end up missing on our destiny. They will either draw us to God or destroy us.

You Should

Leave

1. When it draws you away from God. A healthy relationship will ensure you are more insync with your creator
2. When you do not have peace about it. Constant turmoil will wear you down. A right relationship brings peace since you are right with God, your partner and yourself
3. When More is demanded than you can Give. When a relationship makes you feel like you are empty yet more pouring is required,  it’s time to reevaluate. Once you feel overwhelmed, something may be terribly wrong. A healthy relationship will have these needs balanced. When you feel the burden to give is so heavy, take a step back. Secondly, a relationship is not a MARRIAGE, do not give marriage priviledges to boyfriends.
4. There is an element of FEAR. Perfect love casts out fear. Enough said.
5. It constantly demands PERFECTION. We are prone to make mistakes, and this requires forgiving. Beware of someone who will punish by making you work so hard for forgiveness. It’s only the CHRIST in us that perfects us. We are prone to mistakes.

As women, we were created to love and nurture and that’s why its always difficult to notice subtle signs of emotional abuse. We tend to make excuses for them thereby feeling this ugly monster. I know , you know, that you are not being treated right. We were taught to love but no one taught us how to stop loving. Sometimes,we hold onto it way longer than we should.

The biggest lesson I learnt from mine was that only God can put two people together and sustain them. Its all useless if it doesn’t start with the ultimate CREATOR of relationship.

So,

Did God put you together, was it yourselves, was it your aunt or was it your PASTOR?

 

Much love

Deb.

 

 

 

You Matter, Yes You Do

I know the tomorrow doesn’t fascinate you any longer. I know you dread waking up. You are anxious of what tomorrow may bring.

I know the tears you have wept. I know how much you wish it was different. I know what do now is no longer passion.

I know you have had that conversation with God. You have asked Him to take you home. You are done with all these earthly treasures. You want to be lifted higher than these problems.

I know you already think nobody cares. That your exit will not affect anyone. That it will be much easier for everyone..

I know that the thought of walking in the Sun scares you. I know the walls are your best friend, they hold memories no other soul will ever know. I know there are days they seem like they are talking to you.

Oh and those accusing fingers. Those that point more to them than to you. Those that glare at you through Windows waiting to break you. You can even feel them matter the curses. Of why you are taking this so gracefully

I know of that brokenness. Of how you know you will never be the same. Of how you classify yourself as damaged,  a class you never thought existed.  That place no one can do more damage.

But…

I also know that you don’t need to go through it alone. Yes, it may feel that there is no one, or there may be no one. The emptiness may be so deep but I know of someone who can give you all that you are looking and more.

How do I know

He did it for me. He did not just make me new creature, He took away the old. The pain, the mishaps, the mistakes and behold I became a new creature( 2 Corithians 5:17). He chose me and I accepted Him. As my own personal saviour . He redeemed and restored me. There are some areas too dark you may be in, He will come for you physically. Deep down in the trenches.

But there is a catch 22.

He only works on free will. He wants you. You have to want him. You have to invite him in. He knows.

And He will take care of you. He is a good good father. He has your best interests by heart. Oh if only you would know the things He has in store for you.

Call on Him, search  for him when he can still be found and He will be found. Call on Him ( Jeremiah 33:3)

The plans He has for you are perfect. Plans that will prosper you. Plans that will not harm you. Plans that will give you hope and future  ( Jeremiah 29:11)

He created you for a purpose.  And I pray He reveals it to you. So you may know you are not merely existing. You are here for something that is much bigger that only you can accomplish .

You Matter. Even when it doesn’t feel like so now, you Matter. You are our superman/ superwoman in your own capacity.

You are loved

You are worthy

You Matter, Yes You Doo.

Love

Love Redefined

It matters who you date. It matters who you marry. I do not know how I can overemphasize this. Especially when you are cut out for more in the Kingdom of God. Especially when you are wired for kingdom exploits. It matters.

God is intentional. Purposeful. All knowing. Orderly.  Before He put you together in your mother’s womb, He knew you were there. So did He create the mate to your soul.

My story taught me so much.How much God’s call is irrevocable, no matter how long it takes. I was putting myself in a relationship that I had qualified it as God given. When you really want something,  you will always qualify with distorted scripture. Always. The chemistry was great, the connection out of this world… though looking at it now, it was just like minded brokenness. I thought that I finally had my husband. We made promised to each other. Families were involved. We had already become one even before we walked down the isle to the altar. Our wedding, we already had a plan. Even the possible vendors. He knew about the tents he wanted, I knew all about the dressing and set up. What could really come between us? We went to church and other occasions dressed in ‘His and Hers’. We were perfect.

But …

Why was there no peace. Three quarters of the time I wanted to leave. He was always giving me reasons to stay. I remember there was this day I wanted out. I could not pinpoint the reason and I remember saying something like this, ” God knows I love you but am not in love with you.” This was right after his surprise birthday. I wanted out, but I felt too guilty to leave. I also think I did not really know what I wanted then. He took care of my loneliness, of my issues and I could run to him with stuff only God could solve. When he couldn’t , I got another reason to leave.

He tried.

A man with shortcomings but he did his best considering the situation. He did. Then came the time I had to make a decision to be with him forever. I wonder why women have to be satisfied with the bare minimum. That at least he comes home,  at least he knows my family. He is better than the one before… I felt like I was on a lockdown. That I had dug this grave and I had to be in it. I had made this bed and now I had to lie in it. I felt helpless but I was gonna go ahead and do it. Am a strong woman. Or so I thought.

When there is no peace about it, please do not do it. I beseech you for your own sake. I had made a decision but was it the right one? At this moment i was being convicted. It was time to let go. But how was I to do it? Families were involved, time, emotions.. What to do?

When God has you,trust me He will not loose sight of you. His grasp is never too far. A situation had to be orchestrated so I would see the true colours of this person. That I would see where my life was headed. And change my thinking, it did. I have never met a more cold person in my life. Till that moment, I completely had no idea who I was dating and where I was gonna spend the rest of my life.

I hurt. I was declared clinically depressed after two months. I lost weight. I lost my spark. I lost faith in humanity. I lost myself till God going me.

God found a broken individual and reminded me of His promises to me when I was a child. That what He has promised would come to fruition.

He said, I have called you by your Name you are mine. Isaiah 43:1.

Why then is it that we don’t trust His choice when it comes to the intimate side, we want to choose and ask Him to bless it? When He can give you the blessed choice from the word go? It is time we wait for God’s best and what He has put together than what we as humans put together. We are doomed to fail.

Let God be God and stop helping with His work when you haven’t done yours.

Peace.

Shalom

Love

The most misunderstood word in history.

To some it is emotional, to some actions , to sone words..  everyone understands it as a language. Though different.

For 27 years, I thought I knew myself so well to know what love was and what I wanted. Everyone expects you to and to an extent you may be fooled into believing that You Know. The more you know, the more you have no idea.

There is a reason why it is meant to go way above the feeling. There is a reason why it has to become a decision. With every decision comes the task of having researched on all variables. Like every decision, you always have options. You have to perform analyses to settle on the best or the viable one.

Yet.

It is still so hard to understand love

Do I still love when they cannot show up and am always doing the show up? Do I still love when my heart is broken to pieces? Do I still love when he disrepects my child? Do I still love when they are hell bent on messing up my reputation? Do I still love when they go on to mess up the memory of what i held so dear? Do i still love them, the very ones that sagged my shoulders, dropped my head and caused rivers of tears and fear? Why should i still love them and they don’t love me?

That was my definition of love before i met my greatest love. Before i met Christ. Before i let my big brother mould me. It was all about me, selfish and concieted. Now, there is so much more. Every single day I learn something new about love.

Love is making the ultimate sacrifice even when you know those you are doing it for will never appreciate it.

Love is not boastful. It is so silent that you may pass it since it does not have much pomp and colour.

Love is selfless. Love brings death to self and considers the other first.

Love forgives a multitude of sin. It does not cover up, it rebukes but with so much care and kindness

Love does not give up on you. Even when it all looks hopeless, love will reach out and clean you up from depths of misery.

Love when genuine can lift any soul from hurt, can redeem, offers a second chance and has condemnation.

Love does not keep a record of wrongs.

Christ is my ultimate teacher daily. He is the perfect embodiment of love (John 3:16-18) When you look at people from His perspective,  You will realize that we all do not deserve all He does for us. We mess up daily and he has to take on the responsibility of correcting and directing us with so much patience. If only we could love as Christ loves. Then so many ‘ damages individuals’ would be a thing of the past. The purity in His love, the gentleness and the willingness to serve can soften any hardened heart. He that knew no sin but had to become sin to set me free. What more do I need to be convinced? ? What more?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Love and let Love. We are since God chose us.

Blessed is He that Giveth…. Love

Broken To Be Made Whole

That day… Yes… That Day!!

Can I ever really forget it? Oh when Christ found me and lifted me from this desolate place the devil has condemned me.

How can I forget the times I had asked Him to take my life. But why? Because another human being did not see my worth. Since the pain was too much.  Since the darkness had started creeping in and winter was nearing. Days when I enjoyed my tears. When waking up was not my portion anymore.

Let me take you back a little. My name is Debbie. An artist since I encompass so much( model, musician, designer).

The more you read the more you will learn. I am a living testimony of what God can do. Of the depths He can sink to redeem. Of His mercies that endureth forever. Of His Love that never fails.

I hope to document daily my journey to restoration and God’s faithfulness. We are up for a ride that only ends up in His Glory.

Welcome to my space

My simple world