Love Redefined

It matters who you date. It matters who you marry. I do not know how I can overemphasize this. Especially when you are cut out for more in the Kingdom of God. Especially when you are wired for kingdom exploits. It matters.

God is intentional. Purposeful. All knowing. Orderly.  Before He put you together in your mother’s womb, He knew you were there. So did He create the mate to your soul.

My story taught me so much.How much God’s call is irrevocable, no matter how long it takes. I was putting myself in a relationship that I had qualified it as God given. When you really want something,  you will always qualify with distorted scripture. Always. The chemistry was great, the connection out of this world… though looking at it now, it was just like minded brokenness. I thought that I finally had my husband. We made promised to each other. Families were involved. We had already become one even before we walked down the isle to the altar. Our wedding, we already had a plan. Even the possible vendors. He knew about the tents he wanted, I knew all about the dressing and set up. What could really come between us? We went to church and other occasions dressed in ‘His and Hers’. We were perfect.

But …

Why was there no peace. Three quarters of the time I wanted to leave. He was always giving me reasons to stay. I remember there was this day I wanted out. I could not pinpoint the reason and I remember saying something like this, ” God knows I love you but am not in love with you.” This was right after his surprise birthday. I wanted out, but I felt too guilty to leave. I also think I did not really know what I wanted then. He took care of my loneliness, of my issues and I could run to him with stuff only God could solve. When he couldn’t , I got another reason to leave.

He tried.

A man with shortcomings but he did his best considering the situation. He did. Then came the time I had to make a decision to be with him forever. I wonder why women have to be satisfied with the bare minimum. That at least he comes home,  at least he knows my family. He is better than the one before… I felt like I was on a lockdown. That I had dug this grave and I had to be in it. I had made this bed and now I had to lie in it. I felt helpless but I was gonna go ahead and do it. Am a strong woman. Or so I thought.

When there is no peace about it, please do not do it. I beseech you for your own sake. I had made a decision but was it the right one? At this moment i was being convicted. It was time to let go. But how was I to do it? Families were involved, time, emotions.. What to do?

When God has you,trust me He will not loose sight of you. His grasp is never too far. A situation had to be orchestrated so I would see the true colours of this person. That I would see where my life was headed. And change my thinking, it did. I have never met a more cold person in my life. Till that moment, I completely had no idea who I was dating and where I was gonna spend the rest of my life.

I hurt. I was declared clinically depressed after two months. I lost weight. I lost my spark. I lost faith in humanity. I lost myself till God going me.

God found a broken individual and reminded me of His promises to me when I was a child. That what He has promised would come to fruition.

He said, I have called you by your Name you are mine. Isaiah 43:1.

Why then is it that we don’t trust His choice when it comes to the intimate side, we want to choose and ask Him to bless it? When He can give you the blessed choice from the word go? It is time we wait for God’s best and what He has put together than what we as humans put together. We are doomed to fail.

Let God be God and stop helping with His work when you haven’t done yours.

Peace.

Shalom

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