Exactly one year ago,  I wrote this post on Facebook. Being a PK then later a BK, comes with its perks.  Good and bad. The next time you wish to judge and point fingers, also remember to pray and intercede for them.  This is the group that the devil attacks directly after the service or mission has a breakthrough. They are targets and society adds to the pressure. Here is the post

Growing up as a Preacher’s Kid (PK) is not an easy thing. Moreso, in a starting ministry. Your little mind has to wrap and understand what is going  around you with little or no explanations. Everything in that house is about God. So, you grow up making God a routine rather than your ultimate. The standards placed on you by the congregation are so high that they forget your parents did not give birth to little pastors. They are as their children who need direction. Sometimes even teachers pick on you. I remember, in class seven, the school introduced tuition on Sundays and the headtacher called me out on a parade of over too students saying , ” Oyugi najua hautakuja kesho kwasababu ya kanisa, ukirukaruka pale kwa pulpit. Ukose kesho utaniona.” ( Oyugi I know you will not show up tomorrow cause of Church, you will be jumping up and down the pulpit. Miss tomorrow’s class and you will face it). The church was right opposite the school. My sister was once told she would be beaten then dad would pray  for her. Mind you, Dad was still a teacher then!! So you grow up into ministry and with the ministry.  People expect so much from you and they don’t even offer the perfect example to you. And though it may be up for discussion,MOST PKs DONT END UP BEING BORN AGAIN. We may serve in church for a long time but without having our own encounter with God. Some even end up hating the church. Since you seem to think God robbed you of your parents, of all the good things you may have had in favour of the church and when the go out on missions it is you (the kids) the devil targets.
We are the hardest group to get through to since we know scripture way too well and you even know how the missions team start out hence the counter is stronger. It takes GOD and GRACE. The biggest discouragement for these kids usually comes from church hence it is imperative to put them in prayer all the time. Some out here are just covered by their parental prayers. Some PK’s will end up in ministry,  some will not. And it’s okay. 

If you are a PK  And you are struggling,  it is okay. The Lord is still your inheritance. He promised that to the house of Levi. To Aaron’s house. You were never born in that house by mistake.  God’s work has no errors. You may be struggling to come back since you feel you have done so much and God may not pardon you. You are not alone, I have been there. I even stopped going to church completely for close to 4 years. And when I went I was so critical that if God was reaching out I had already put up huge defences. But once you allow Him, He will transform and renew you ( Romans 12:1-2). Like the prodigal son, He will accept you with open arms, with no condemnation whatsoever  ( Romans 8:1). You are cut out for greatness. You are meant for more and it’s never too late. Being a PK is a blessing.

Love

Deb

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A Promise Kept, Delivered 24 Years Later: Born of Nobles 

Nobility : How can I define this? Unless I delve into these details, you may not understand my excitement. 

Today am more than amazed. And that is because of my roots. 24 years ago, Dad, gave me a challenge. That it was not just enough to be number one anymore. That I needed to create a record. That if I did it,  he would grant me the wish I had all along. I really wanted to visit Uhuru Park. I only knew Uhuru park from Reinhard Bonke’s posters and calenders in the house. Being a village girl,  Uhuru Park was a big deal. 
See,  my dad was a teacher then. And such challenges were taken with the seriousness they deserved. I worked hard,  to just prove to him that I could. Then,  we used to do eight subjects in lower primary. Given the previous term I had gotten 641/800, I targeted around 690 thereabout. 

End term and I surpassed the mark and went well into the 700. I couldn’t wait to get home so I could get the date for my Uhuru Park. So much ran into my head. The headteacher and my classteacher had given me cash prizes (which was a first,by the way). I ran home hoping to find daddy. There he was seated with our Bishop then,  Bishop Isaka. Another cash award from  the Bishop. Then I asked for my gift.  

It was promised and it would be delivered. My dad had always kept his word.  Given ministry and civil duties,  my trip never materialized. I told myself,  I would wait,  no matter how long. 

 I came to Nairobi later to join Kenyatta University. And I would pass Uhuru Park by and remind myself that one day Daddy will take me there. I wanted daddy to take me.  12 years in Nairobi of waiting. 5 years ago,  when I was home,  I told him I will not go to Uhuru Park until he fulfills his promise. 

Yesterday,  he travelled to Nairobi and late evening he broke the news. Finally,  am taking you to Uhuru Park. I even got butterflies. I saw the boat ride like I had always imagined ( I miss my childhood) 

Well,  it may just be a park.  To me,  it is a place I worked so hard to see. A place I only wanted by father to take me. A place I have experienced everything I wanted to as a child. 

Today my father proved me right. Today,  he just set the standard so high. You may think it was just a child’s wish. But him fulfilling it with the number of years gone,  24 to be exact, I still know he will fulfill his promises. 

He has promised and delivered a lot in these 24 years. This one was just the icing on the cake. I will always honour this man,  I will always adore my father.  

Bishop,  a blessed to be yours. 

God bless you and keep you for us Papa

Bishop Norbetus Oyugi 

My father is a noble man.  I am my father’s daughter. Both in Heaven and on Earth. 

Love 

Debs

My 2018 Prayer 

Quote

Dear Lord 

For the first time I want to say thank you for my brokenness. For in my broken state,  I have been able to experience you. You became one with me. I have experienced intimacy. 

There are levels of intimacy that I never knew existed. Am still in awe. You have gotten so naked with me that I need no other. You have touched me in a way only you can. 

Thank you for the Holy Spirit. Oh Lord,  who and what would I be if it wasn’t for you. Your work is not yet complete and I can only imagine how much you have in store for me.  Now. And eternally. 

Every single day you are conforming and perfecting me. To be one with you. To be more like you. Every single day, I pray to go even deeper with you. 

My soul is ready

My spirit is ready 

My body is ready 

I have been struggling to subject this body to you. In so many things. It has not been easy but slowly am winning this battle with the help of the Holy Spirit. I understand that by myself. I am sinful and that it is not by power or might. But only,  and only by your Spirit. 

I yearn to grow my spirit man to insurmountable strength. I yearn to see you more in me. 

All these years. I have had prayers for the year.  This year. I only want you.  Seeking you and things that are only of you.

I know what it takes,  and am ready. Above all,  I want to share this you with others. Share your undying unconditional love. Share your original plan for our creation. To worship and for communion. 

You are too beautiful To be boxed.  Too awesome to be owned,  yes. Am willing to share. 

I love the way you look at me. I love the way you see me. I love the way you care. The way you yearn for my company. I love the way I am your plan. I love the way you are never busy for me. I love the way you stretch out your hand for me.  I know you love. 

Help me love like you love me. Help me reach out like you do. Help me care just like you. Help me see beauty in ashes as you did me. 

Thank you for meeting me at my end. For at that end,  you blessed me. 

I hold onto your word in Matthew. 

Matthew 5:3-10

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

“You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.

“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.

10 “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.(MSG) 

Your heiress, 

With Love 

Deb. 

Give it to God. Give it Time

Whoever said time is a healer, was right to an extent. Time too is such a gossip,  it always tells. 

It has been quite long since I sat down and wrote. Today, I touch on a Subject that is so close to my heart. Learning to let time do its part. 

We may argue that time does not really heal,  it just blurs. That the pain does not go away, it is archived for future reference.  Well,  that reference may never be made,  that is the beauty of it. 

In all my heartbreaks,  I never thought I needed time. Why would I need time and it was their loss,  not mine?  Moving on swiftly was the next stop. And swiftly I did. That explains why I still had major attachments to people I should have cut out completely. That’s why they still had a backdoor to my heart that could easily be accessed and could mess up the system once important and relevant data was accessed. 

But, not this time. This time I wasn’t heartbroken, I was crushed. Into little small pieces that I couldn’t pick up even if I tried. I had lost so much in a short period. That included a human being that never saw the light of day. I ran to all the sources that used to help.  Work,  holiday, therapy but none could stick it through. I wanted to be fine. Right there, right then. I didn’t have the luxury of time. I wanted to be formatted like it did not happen. The more I pushed,  the more I got frustrated, the more I sank into depression. I thought I could handle it. By myself. How wrong I was. 

When I rededicated my life to Christ, a deep peace came over me. I realized I didn’t need to fix anything. Let alone fix myself. These had been after three months of therapy with no breakthrough. I asked God to heal and fix me. It was not as fast as I had anticipated. As fast as I wanted. The lesson had to be learnt. It had to be in a way that I ended up appreciating the whole experience. 

The panel beating process is never easy.  Every good thing that happens requires time. Sometimes enormous amounts, but it all ends up in something so beautiful. When the creator is at work, the creation lays still. The creation allows work to continue..

I have come to learn that God’s timing is the best.  Ten thousand years is like a day in His presence. As humans, we seek to have instant gratification. The answer is not in the product but in the process. The process shapes and determines the product. And any given process requires time. 

In some situations, you just need time to restrategize. In others, you need time to calm down. In some,  You need time to rest while in others, you need time to heal. 

Do not rush into things. Do not rush into engagements. You are not late. You don’t need to be like everyone else. Your path is different. Your journey is unique. It takes longer for a special order to be made. 

For any seed to grow, time is needed.  In most situations, you have been planted. In that darkness,  grow your taproots, then blossom into something enormous and great. You are well capable. 

This time you are giving is letting it go to God. It is enthroning Him in the highest place,  your heart. It is letting Him take preeminence. It is letting Him take all His Glory. We only live in His time. Things happen in His time. If you need healing,  He is the balm of Gilead. If you need a major breakthrough, He created heaven and earth. What can He not do? For you to be what He wants you to be,  you have to go through His process. That process will including removing all that is not of Him from you.  It is not an easy one. It is amazing though. 

Whatever it is that you want to happen. Give it to God.  Give it time. Time to process.  Time to change you.  Time to perfect you( Hebrews 10:14).

God has all the answers and as Ecclesiastes 3:11 says 

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (NIV) 

He surely will make all things  beautiful. In His Time. 

Love. 

Deb.


When Forgiveness is not forthcoming: What do you do??

Collosians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Matthew 6: 14-15 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

I hope you have been keeping well. Well, this feels like that week when the Grace to write is at 150%

Two weeks ago, while seated in a restaurant in town waiting to meet up a friend,  I saw a certain girl on a table right across me. She was deep in thought and I swear I saw a tear drop.

I used to belong to that ‘mind your business’ school of thought.  If it does not concern me, it is none of my business. Nairobi seems to get this clearly into your head. Assimilation and association. You learn fast. Am still learning to unmind my own business and mind other people’s business that requires minding ( I don’t even make sense to myself, at this point)

As the spirit pushed me to go to her, I kept on thinking of her reaction. What would she think of me? What if she thinks am crazy? This is a public place.

Friends,  I have come to learn that you cannot negotiate with God, He always wins. I was so restless that I knew of I walked out, I would not have had any peace. I went to her and asked if i could share the booth with her. She agreed. For around five minutes,  I just stared at her. She did not even notice. Or she did. But never showed.

‘Is it so painful?’ I asked.

‘Excuse me?’ She retorted.

‘ Excuse my manners, my name is Debbie. And God says Do not despair. It shall be well!’

‘Who are you? And what makes you think you can just. ….’ She looks up and finds me smiling. She cut short her words.

‘Cause it hurt so bad? Do you think you cannot go through it?  Are you feeling helpless, weak?’ I kept going so it would not be awkward 

Thank God, she is a born again Christian. She just kept staring at me and then the tears started flowing freely.

I reached out and held her hand. Then leaned in for a hug. It took around ten to fifteen minutes for calmness to take over. I handed her a tissue.

‘Thank You’ She murmured

‘For the tissue? Never mind .’ I chuckled. To just make things comfortable.

She SMILED.

If I walked out at this moment, I knew I had done something great. ShSMILED.

‘ Well, for two things. For the tissue and for Obeying God.’ She said

‘Would you like some coffee? It’s cold in here.’ I state crafting hoping she takes the bait.

‘Is this an invitation to talk? Well I could do with a great conversation.’ She gets me.

We order coffee and I start with a proper introduction of who I am and what I do.

Coffee arrives. We bless it and go on.

She is a nurse. Fellowships at JCC and she came here to get away from everything that is happening in her life.

‘What do you do when forgiveness is not forthcoming even after several attempts to make things right as a Christian? ‘ She asks.

The question throws me offguard.

‘Well, what happened? ‘ I ask

‘I still don’t understand. How is it possible for someone you think you have known become a stranger? How can a small misunderstanding blow out of proportion? How can they refuse to listen or just see the great lengths you have gone to seek forgiveness. This person hurt me, I hurt him back ( God forgive me ). But God worked on me and I have been asking for forgiveness both in speech and deed.  Twice , the door has been slammed on my face. Today, is one such day.’

‘Who is this person to you?  Are they born again?’ I probe. 

‘My guy.  He claims to be.’ She says.

‘Debbie, the bible asks me to forgive. I have even gone to great extent to make things right. Now, am getting frustrated day in, day out.

‘What was your ideal?’ I ask. Again.

‘To be forgiven too.’ She says.

‘Well, I guess that is where the problem is.  You forgave expecting the same. You do realize sometimes it is not that simple. The holy spirit worked on you. Did you find out of the other party invited the helper too? You can only do your part and pray for the other person that God may work on them as He did you.’  I say.

By now, the person I was meant to meet has arrived and I request ten more minutes. To just pray with this girl.

We do. I give her my card and ask her to call me.  If and when she needs to talk.

We hug and part.

The day ends and I can’t help but think. The bible gives us scenarios of forgiveness. On how we should act.

 

Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins

What happens when the other party acts in total disregard of all your effort?

It got me thinking.  How many people am I hurting out here simply because I hold onto what man did to me than what Christ did for me?

I also realize that to whom Christ says , ” You are forgiven” . The command , ” sin no more ” comes.

You are not in control of how other people will behave or react. You can only do your part. Staying true and faithful to the author and finisher of your faith.

What I do.

  1. Pray, pray and pray some more for them. The Bible asks us to not be anxious about anything but with prayer, petitions and supplications make our requests known to God. God is the only one who can change anyone.
  2. Cancel all expectations. Frustrations find their way home when people don’t behave like we want them to. You have some your part as the holy spirit led.
  3. Keep a clean heart and clean thoughts.  From the abundance of your heart, know every thing will flow. Ask God to renew the right spirit within you.e
  4. When they reach out, hold onto nothing of the past. Just like Christ tells you the old is gone.  Release it as well. Only then can you create the right environment for the new to come in. Our ultimate is to be like Christ.
  5. Life is in seasons.  Sadly there are those that have to leave  and that is the way it just is. The season you are in prepares you for the next. Keep the lessons. Keep learning. From a severed relationship,  God will be reading beauty for ashes. I never really knew what I went through was preparing me for this girl.  But see, now am well capable of handling life and my story and lessons are actually holding someone else together.
  6. Trust God’s plan. He is omnipresent and omnipresent. Trust me, He knows.

Finally, forget the memes, forget the quotes.  Forgiveness is so personal   it has to flow from within. It is a gift you give yourself more than the other person.

Stay in His will and in the fullness of time, God makes everything beautiful.

A blessed one, may you have.

Love

Deb

 

Let’s talk

There are nights that seem so long

I still find it difficult to sleep

Even after devotion and prayer

I always stay awake looking at the ceiling

With lights on

Today is not any different

Am still staring at that same spot

Same as that night when you spoke

That night when we had a sit down

And you reminded me that you saw everything

Each tear I have shed

Each plan that crumbled

All the needless pain I bore

You reminded me:

How valued I was

And how I had sold myself short by going for what I thought was a good choice

How your arm was always outstretched

But

Through it all, you still watched over me

I was still yours

And..

All I needed to do was Trust and Obey

You have me and you promised to NEVER leave

As I stare at the same spot tonight

I am so grateful for your love and goodness

You who made me whole, my Good Good father.

You have been faithful and your amazing grace sufficient.

Am still in awe on how You loved me when I seemed unlovable

When backs turned and you turned to  me with outstretched arms.

When I left but you waited for me and took me back

You took away all my shame and you crowned me

You have sustained me

I have great confidence in your word.

Your love that endures forever

Your kindness that never falls

Your Mercies that are new every morning

Papa, what can I say ,Oshe Baba

I have tasted of You and i can confidently say that You are Good

I will forever glorify You.

Am desperate for you

Get closer, I get louder

Thank You for the cross, Lord.

Love always

 

Deb

The Call

A few weeks ago, I was priviledged to sit through a sermon my dad was preaching titled , ‘ Riskers for perishers.’ The sermon was all about things Kingdom, on how much your natural eyes can deny you your blessings. The inheritance that God has always had in store for you. The sermon talked about our responsibilities to the call.

Dad has always shared his testimony but this day he touched on matters intimate about His call to serve that I have never heard of. Papa was a civil servant, a teacher to be precise. By the time he resigned he was a headteacher. God called him in 1995 that he needed to go full time ministry. He spoke to him during one of his fasts. But papa looked at so much happening ( we were still in primary school except for my eldest sister) and he kept at what he knew would provide. All this time, he had the ministry running. Back then,  we were still affiliated to the Word Of Faith Church. He would get done with school work and pastoral work would take over. 2 years later, the church invited a guest from Nigeria for revival meetings. What he didn’t know was that this meeting was more about him than it was about the congregation ( How this God works is just amazing ). This Man of God came loaded with the confirmation Papa needed. Yet, there were bills to be paid. How was a starting ministry in the village meant to be sustained? There was still much he felt he had to do before quitting formal employment.

Brethren, when God wants you,  He will make it happen. Fast forward to the year 1999/2000, Dad has no peace about everything. Things started falling apart in all spheres. Spheres he taught he was securing by staying put in employment. He had two candidates in the house ( one in form four, one in class eight). Things were tight. Then he made the decision to follow the voice of God. Nothing was perfect at that moment, but he chose to heed to the call.

He says He did not know how we would survive and mum, at that moment, had issues at her workplace that also pushed her to quit. ( This God!!!). That is how they ended up in full time ministry with a bunch of kids( four girls) when they had no idea how to provide for, feed or clothe! And God has been more than faithful. We have seen miracles in ways only God can.

My story may not be so different. The call of God is irrevocable. Whatever He has planned for your life will come to pass. It all comes down to: Will you listen and heed to the call? The call came when I was a child. But as I grew a fear engulfed me. I always saw myself ending up as my father and I felt the shoes were too big. I wanted a very small role. I remember praying and telling God , Let me just sing, and let Daddy preach. Slowly, I drifted. I knew I loved God but I really wanted detached from matters Church. When I first came to Nairobi I kept away from Church compeletely. I felt I didn’t need that reminder of the responsibility I had and was not planning to fulfill. Those days I would end up in church ( they were quite rare), just one gaze at the pulpit brought conflicting emotions. It felt like home, but it also felt like the biggest thing I never wanted. Finally, I never wanted to leave.

When God came for me, so much had been destabilized  ( refer to posts before). I was at my lowest. I had tried all the solving tactics but none was working. I even questioned if God really existed ( I knew He did, but the situation I was in was crazy and I had been declared clinically depressed). That is when I remembered  the God my daddy serves. Is He not merciful and gracious?  Is He not forgiving? I had been seeing a therapist for a month, twice weekly. That week I called my therapist and told her that am terminating my sessions. That I needed counselling with a spiritual approach. That was when I walked into Citam Valley Road. I had been crying all the way from town. I reached Citam and completely broke down.( The nitty-gritties will be up in the next post). I rededicated my life to Christ that day. I had already  started my Bible devotion three weeks earlier as I sought answers from God.  Three weeks after, as I read the book of John 1 : 46 , a still voice whispered. Something Good is coming out of Nazareth. I thought my mind was playing tricks. The voice became more clearer, ‘ Something Good is coming out of Nazareth’

It was 2 am. I live alone, and a distinct voice was speaking. I was numb but so much at peace. I didn’t know what was in store for me in that week (Some mindblowing experience was awaiting and I was just here playing detective in my house trying to find a still voice). I remember it so well. It was on Wednesday. I was just leaving town from a meeting. I felt a sudden urge to be in the House of God. As we approached  Safari Park Hotel it was fast becoming a strong hunger.  I had never been to Citam Thika road despite it being next door. I always went to Valley Road. This day I wanted to find the Church. I needed to be in God’s Sanctuary. I want to the PAC University gate expecting the guards to not let me in. To my surprise,  all they asked was if I was heading to church. On getting there, I didn’t know there was a Wednesday prayer service and I walked right into it. I was so overwhelmed.

Those who know me will tell you that I never lack words when given a microphone. I will either speak or sing.  The time for testimonies came, I was literally weeping as I walked to the altar to say  what the Lord had done for me. When I picked that microphone,  I went blank and I kept weeping. The pastor wanted to take the Mic but I said I wanted to sing. If words failed me, then I could sing. But I kept saying, ‘God I submit to your Will, Let Your will be done!’ Most of the times my mind usually has songs lined up, when I opened up my mouth to sing the song disappeared,to my surprise.  I was blank with the whole church looking and the song refused ( reminds me of Tuzo milk advert, ‘ the cow has refused’ ha!). To salvage the situation, the Word msalaba kept ringing but I could not remember any song with msalaba. The pastor was coming for the Mic and I was gonna give it. Then my own Swahili translation of  kgotso’s ‘ke letlotlo’ just flooded the Mic. Msalaba ndio hazina yangu ( the cross is my biggest treasure) The song said. And this is my biggest truth. We’re it not for the cross, we’re it not for Christ, I would be dead!

The pastor takes the Mic and what he said was ‘ This lady has had an encounter with God. Few of you have gone through what she has!’ This statement summarized the state I was in. I could not explain what was happening but what I knew was nothing would ever be the same. Something happened inside me. I met God face to face. From then I have sitdowns with Him like I do with my daddy. And I submitted to His Will, FINALLY!!! Once you encounter God, You will never be the same. I guarantee you.

He separated me from everything I thought I knew and that which I thought mattered. Relationships had to be cut off, some business deals had to go. And I would cry to Him how much the bills were to be paid ( just like papa had his issues). He always told me , ” Debbie, can’t you are that am doing a NEW thing? One that is marvellous in my own eyes? I have called you by your name, you are MINE!” And He has been amazing in perfecting His work.

The confirmation on His call came seven months ago through someone I did not know. Someone who reminded me of when it all started word for word.  When I was still little, and how much God saw my fears but let them play out. And finally, the answers I needed from Him started pouring.

Why did I write this post?

There is a high tendency there are Jonah’s out here. People running away from their calling for one reason or another ( most of the time they do not make sense). The kingdom needs you. Matthew 9:37, Like 10:2. His call and gifting in your life is irrevocable ( Romans 11:29). For you to get that peace you really crave for, heed to your call. God speaks,  He has never stopped!

You may think that your contribution is too small to be noticed but remember we all are members of one body and we need each other to function properly.(1 Corinthians 12:12)

There is no better place to be other than at the feet of Jesus.

And

Using the conclusion to Daddy’s sermon, ‘ The Kingdom requires Riskers in order to rescue Perishers ‘

Shalom.

Love,

Deb